Making Strides

The one thing that has always held me back in life is confidence. Talking to people, especially of the opposite sex, or trying new and unusual things, even the simplest things like climbing ladders ... all of them have been difficult at times because of my lack of confidence.

Now I admit, it certainly isn't as bad as it used to be. When I was young, I didn't have much at all. Over the years, it's improved greatly thanks to working at a retail level for so long. When you're forced to talk to people you don't know, suddenly any issues you have with people go out the window ... and that's a good thing.

Still, despite that improvement, I still have problems. I shy away at times when confronted with issues that are uncomfortable. At times, that confidence level has had a word or two against my writing, which of course leaves me hanging while attempting to get me going.

So imagine my relief when, in my first attempt to have one of my own creative pieces published ... IT WAS PUBLISHED! Grok magazine, in fact, decided my poem was worthy of a print in its first issue of 2012. And you have no idea how good it feels.

It's one thing to be published, it's another to feel that sense of recognition that, yes, you're good enough to be just that. It's a monkey off my back, and hopefully it's a sign of big things to come. In the meantime, I'm happy. I hope that lasts too.

My War Against Boredom

It's been an interesting, entertaining, eye opening week. But I knew it would be.

Work was up and down, thankfully it ended on a high note. Ebony has settled in well, it's awesome to have someone to have lunch with, though I have to reduce my spending in the coming weeks, so that means less eating out. Especially having just purchased a Playstation Vita (which is rather awesome).

Friday night was San Cisco night. I'll admit, I hate dancing ... actually no, I don't 'hate' it. When I was a kid, someone made fun of me dancing. Stupid as it sounds, I've avoided it ever since. I just like listening to the beat, the lyrics, let the music flow over. It's more fun for me that way. I kinda know ballroom dancing though, so make of that what you will :p

The band themselves were great, including the warm up act. I like the idea of smaller venues, the more casual aspect of it is appealing. I also discovered a sudden interest in jazz! Jazz hands ahoy!

Saturday was Karen's party for some bloke I never met day, not that it mattered, it was still cool. I survived my attempt at cooking chicken kebabs, survived a drive to mcdonalds for Ebony's craving, had the best risotto ever and just generally had a ball.

My only gripe is, I was almost dead on my feet. It's not that I'm getting home late, I get back here by midnight. But having to drive over an hour does take it out of me, especially when it's one boring, straight road followed by another slightly curved boring road :p No, I'm not reconsidering anything, I love Mandurah and this new house. I just have to get used to less sleep if I'm going to continue my war against boredom.

But so far so good. And I've got the best people beside me to make every day even more entertaining. There are moments and memories that can bring me down at times, but that's just part of what makes me ... well ... me! I'm just grateful that the friends that I have are so caring and understanding despite my tendency to break out into song ...

I'm kidding, but if I did break out into song, seriously, punch me ;)

Anyway, unfortunately my phone has been playing up, so my promise of posting photos will have to wait until I figure out what's going on. I've narrowed it down to a bad system update, so I'm rolling it back to default and installing everything again. Other than that, since February is coming to a close, I'm rating it an A-.

It wasn't perfect, but it was damn close :) Thank you everyone involved!

Worried, and the Loss of it.

I worry a lot. Take today for instance. I was worried about my friend, first day on the new job, hoping it would all go well. It did, of course, which made me extremely happy for her.

I've been worried about the old house, the fact that it hasn't sold yet. And then we got an offer today, finally. It isn't over yet, but it's a step in the right direction.

I've been worrying all my life really, but I guess my point is, I shouldn't have to. Yet I do. It's a part of my life, I always seem to find something to stir it up again. I've had moments where it's been so bad, I make myself sick over it. Thankfully that hasn't happened for a long time.

Being that this is the year where everything changes, for the right reasons, I need to find a way to cut this out of my life. Worry only gets me so far, and it isn't worth it (as the above two examples clearly show, I didn't need to). I tell other people not to worry, and hear I am posting about my own issues with it. No more.

This is the first part of the new plan, lighten up and enjoy life more. If things go wrong, they go wrong, it doesn't have to change me for uncontrollable reasons and cause any undue harm, I just have to learn from it and move on.

The Day the Blog Changed

I decided earlier today to continue using this blog as a more general posting place, somewhere that can contain my ideas and thoughts beyond creative pieces (see my other blog for that) and Facebook rants, because I'm sure you all love said rants and are demanding longer posts in greater numbers.

Or maybe not.

Either way, I'm now face to face with life and all its demands, and in an attempt to sort it all out in my head, it's probably better (and perhaps more enjoyable for you, the intended audience) to write it here. It's been a while since I've written an actual blog. The old one on livejournal kinda died for one reason or another, can't really say why (and can't be bothered remembering my password to check if I posted a reason).

I guess you can say I've become inspired. Between the end of last year and the start of 2012, I've become a part of a unique circle of friends, which I feel extremely lucky to be a part of. Ebony and Karen have become the kind of catalyst towards fun and enjoyable adventures that I've been waiting for, that little push in the back to get me out the door. Don't get me wrong, I've had my moments in the past, but nothing like this. Lord knows I needed it.

As for the inspiration? Karen's helping me get my motivation up to get my work out there. Having a blog for poetry is one thing, but getting it published properly is another. It's the first time since I started seriously considering a profession in creative writing that I've felt confidant enough to put it out there for people outside of my circle of Facebook likes to read. Hopefully this year I'll be able to make a number of inroads into that.

Ebony's been a Godsend for my social life. Early days yet, but it's going to be exciting to be able to hang out with someone who not only likes the things I like, but can make anything new that I'd normally shy away from trying into an event I want to be a part of. Last night's concert at Kings Park will hopefully be the first of many such adventures, I can't wait to see what happens for the rest of the year. I know for a fact, for example, that I'll have a chance to talk to a God in person, that God being the spectacular Stan Lee.

Ultimately, that's what the theme of this year needs to be. Adventure. I've been slowly but surely putting myself out there, travelling over east as many times as I can, but there are people and places in Perth that I haven't even tried yet, and having moved to Mandurah for a while, it's going to be an even bigger trek to get to them. But that's all part of the plan, to try new things and change up my dull life into something worthwhile.

If I can get published, maybe even more than once, and do the things I've always wanted to do with the people I have come to love, then 2012 could very much be the best year of my young life so far. Despite the number attached to my age, I'm still young, heart and soul. That will never change. But everything around me will, and I can't explain how good it feels right now.

Blog on.