I realised something important tonight. I don't really belong here. But I don't know where I do. It kinda reminds me of a character I'm working on. He exists within this current system, and feels like he belongs there, but as soon as another option is shown to him, he begins to question his sense of belonging.
There are days where I wish I was given an option. I'd go back to Sydney in a heartbeat, or Melbourne if I dare.
In all honesty though, I want to go home. My real home. Because Ireland feels like the only place where I truly belong.
I blame myself. I allow so many simplistic things to bug me, and despite the best intentions of those around me, I still let it happen. It's just not always easy to let certain things die down, and I realise that's a silly thing to say, but it's true. Its a fault of mine, that's always held me back. That and my severe lack of confidence. But I have no one to blame but myself for that, I can only continue to push on and try my best.
Life isn't meant to be easy, I get that, but I don't have to grin and bare it just for the sake of it. That's why I'm working as hard as I can to make this year count, I can't let any opportunities slip any longer.